peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
