im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
