he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
