The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
