I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
