In America we eat man semen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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