Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
