is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
