If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
