the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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