ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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