glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
