remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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