Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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