we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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