its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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