He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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