I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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