it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
