My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
