either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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