I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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