i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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