this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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