actually, I'm a sock model
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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