cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
