Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
