Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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