That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
