Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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