Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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