dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
