A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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