I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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