I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize