I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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