It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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