She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
