Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
