When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
