i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
