I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
