Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
