I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
