I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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