Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
