I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
