Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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