Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
