I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize