My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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