And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
