you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
