just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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