He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
