I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
