...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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