Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
