dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
