you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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