I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
