Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
