soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
