theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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