Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
