I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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