I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed