i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.