i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been