I'm fucking your sister right now.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He passed out mid-signature
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....