On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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