I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
