Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize